you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
