He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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