Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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