you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
