I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
