I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
