He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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