I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
