Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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