I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
