so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Even my vagina gasped.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Last time i carry you out of a forest
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Randomize
