Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
