so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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