..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
my being single is dangerous.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
