its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
