You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
