Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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