Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
