I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize