does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
