I think I won the penis lottery.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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