I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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