I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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