I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Randomize
