I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
