I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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