you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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