when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
