He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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