I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
