Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
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