The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
