I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
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