FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
