yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
