my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
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