I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
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