What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
