I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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