That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
