Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
