i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
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