Where is the hickey?
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize