end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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