somebody snuck up and got me drunk
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
