I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
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