i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I smell stomach acid.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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