He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
