i barfeds in our rink
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize