i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
When did we convert life to cartoon?
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
