Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
