this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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