I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
