no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
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