Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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