I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
