that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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