laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
