I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize