My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
